Most Sexual Assault Survivors have said these words & know this feeling.
It includes a reference to an article discussing surviving and attempting to hold a person accountable for sexual assault.
“I just kind of froze like a deer in headlights, just frozen. I knew it was happening. I could feel it,” she added. “I remember trying to fix my eyes on a spot on the wall and just trying to avoid seeing his face as he was assaulting me, just waiting for it to be over.”
In my experiences, both personally & professionally, this quote embodies the most common psychoemotional experience of assault.
So many people permit or perform sexual activity in order to survive sexual assault.
So many people permit or perform sexual activity in order to survive sexual assault. This is why we cannot blame victims for surviving assault because of the fact that sex happened. Once we understand that sex is sometimes the only way to survive assault, we can stop blaming people for doing what was necessary to survive the moments.
Why didn’t s/he/they fight back? Fighting back is a response you grow into over time. It is rarely the first response in each situation where assault happens.
It’s called “fight, flight or freeze” for a reason. Many freeze. Many flee psychologically (ie disassociate). Few of us fight the first time. If only the first time was the only time. Usually it is not and so we start learning to fight.
Once people start fighting, we then see victim blaming by focusing on the fighting back/self defense and not the assault necessitating self defense.
Believe victims.
Understand that sex can be a survival tactic.
Fighting isn’t always the first available response.
Support survivors.
Hold abusers accountable.
If you want to start to understand the reasons why it is best to address abuse with abusers – read Lundy Bancroft’s book. It’s a game changer!
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