Are you ready to build Relational Stamina that protects you and your most important connections?
We’ve spent this month settling in and finding what anchors us when our containers are overflowing. Last week, we explored remembering what we’re fighting for when conflict shows up in our relationships.
But what happens when the conflict doesn’t go away?
What happens when you need more than just a moment of breath to navigate a relationship that feels like it’s pulling apart?
This question is why I created a course called “Relational Stamina: Skills for Sustaining Connection Across Difference.” It was the foundation I built on to launch the STAY Framework in 2025.
Most of us don’t want to be rude, mean or impulsive when it comes to maintaining relationships, even when they’re challenging. In the Relational Stamina course, I differentiate the options to help us maintain, engage and invest in relationships.
The STAY framework details the relational navigation process, but this course is where it all started.
It is an 8-lesson workshop designed to move you from noticing reactive disconnection in yourself to the beginnings of building relational stamina with others.
We go beyond the initial disconnect that conflict creates and move into the full framework of building relational resilience in your most important connections.
If you are tired of the “flight or fight” cycle and you’re ready to build the capacity to stay present – even when it’s hard – I’d love to see how this course works for you.
Our next Settle In Practice is coming up soon. We’ll be exploring identifying and alleviating burnout in our home and work relationships. If you want to join us next month, here’s the link to save your seat.
We had our Settle In practice this past Saturday, and something really struck me during our time together. We were looking at the Perceived Stress Scale, and a common theme emerged: Stress doesn’t just live in our minds; it lives in our capacity to be with other people.
When we feel “pushed to the edge” by life, our ability to stay in connection—what we call Relational Stamina—is often the first thing to go.
Whether you were able to join us live or you spent your Saturday tending to other things, I wanted to share the reflection guide we used.
This isn’t a “to-do” list. It’s a space for you to look at your stress numbers and ask: What is this doing to my voice? What is this doing to my relationships?
Looking at the scale’s questions, which specific area felt the most “uncontrollable” this week? (e.g., your schedule, an interpersonal tension, or internal self-talk?)
2. The Body’s “Volume Knob”
When your stress markers are in this range, what happens to your physical voice during a disagreement? Does it tighten/clench? Does it disappear (freeze)? Or does it get louder/sharper as a way to “over-protect”?
3. The Connection Cost
When you are at this stress level, how does it impact your ability to stay “in connection”? Does the stress make you want to move toward others for help, or move away into isolation?
4. One Small “Settle”
Based on your reflections today, what is one “micro-boundary” or practice you can explore setting in the next 24 hours to lower the pressure by just 1%?
Example: Turning off phone notifications for an hour, or saying “I need 10 minutes before we talk about this.”
Understanding our stress is the first step in moving from disconnection back into connection. It’s the “why” behind the “how.”
Next week, I’m going to share a bit more about the framework I use to navigate these moments when the “voice gets stuck”—the actual theory behind building a relationship that can handle the stress.
Take a deep breath today. You’re doing better than you think.
Using the Perceived Stress Scale to find your ground.
We’ve all been there. A conflict starts—maybe it’s a sharp comment from a partner or a misunderstanding with a family member—and suddenly, you can’t find your words. It’s not that you don’t have thoughts; it’s that it feels physically unsafe to let them out.
Last month, we looked at our overall wellbeing with the WHO-5 Index. This month, I want to look at a different metric: Stress. Specifically, how much of your life feels “uncontrollable” or “overloading” right now? When we feel like we can’t speak up during conflict, it’s often because our internal “stress bucket” is already full. We aren’t just reacting to the person in front of us; we are reacting to a nervous system that is tapped out.
When we feel like we can’t speak up during conflict, it’s often because our internal “stress bucket” is already full. We aren’t just reacting to the person in front of us; we are reacting to a nervous system that is tapped out.
This is why I’m hosting this month’s Settle In practice. We are going to walk through the Perceived Stress Scale together. It’s not just a test; it’s a map to help you understand why you might be “freezing” instead of “speaking.”
I’d love for you to join this session. Let’s create a little more room in that stress bucket so you can find your voice again.
This month has launched the Relational Wellness Series with weekly newsletters covering topics on conflict in relationships and how we can continue navigating connection in our lives.
If you joined the monthly Settle In practice, you had a chance to directly explore well-being as a relational practice.
Have you ever had to hold a smile and a conversation during active racism?
When it’s the only location where you can buy the thing you need to buy because you aren’t knowledgeable enough to go to Amazon and get it on your own, you have to hold a smile and a conversation about the “nicest colored lady” that was helped across the street into Walmart by the person who owns the supplies you’re purchasing.
“Was that your mom?”
“No… no it wasn’t. How much is my total? Cool, thank you. I’ll be back tomorrow with the sample.”
Now, of course, there was actual human interaction. I know that the human I was talking to had a life history and a story and real concerns and saw me, in that moment, as a real person too. We shared stories. We high fived. We laughed. They educated me based on their expertise. They are, like I am, a multi-dimensional person.
However, I also knew that this was not the time to correct their language. It wasn’t the time to tell them a history lesson. It wasn’t a time to say “did you know what you said is racist?” I just wanted to buy the stuff that I needed to buy and go home and do what I needed to do.
But I had to hold a smile and a conversation during the racism. And I have to go back tomorrow because it’s the only place I can go to buy what I need to buy and do what I need to do.
This is just one example, of many, of racial battle fatigue. It’s the routine, really boring, daily living experiences that we all just want to have as uneventfully as possible that are interrupted by racist actions that Black folks have to ignore and “grow a thick skin” because how dare we mention it and “play the race card” in a conversation with a stranger?
In these moments, we seem to fail at remembering that when racism entered the discussion, the card was already played.
About This Site
This is the official home of Relational Spaces – a multi-passion project created by Dr. LaShawn Williams, LCSW.
