by LaShawn | Dec 29, 2025 | Relational Spaces
As the year comes to a close, I want to take a moment to name something clearly and give you an honest invitation.
Every December, many of us quietly decide what we have the energy to carry forward… and what we don’t. What we’ll stay connected to. What we’ll step away from. What still feels nourishing, and what no longer does.
So before January begins, I want you to know exactly how this space will work in the coming year so you can decide, with clarity and care, whether it’s a space you want to remain part of.
How this space will work
This isn’t a program you have to keep up with. It’s a relational space you can return to.
Here’s what you can expect:
- Weekly emails that explore one relational theme at a time — grounded, practical, and oriented toward understanding rather than fixing.
- Monthly themes that give shape to the conversations we’re having, without turning them into a curriculum or checklist.
- A free Settle In session on the first Saturday of each month, where we slow down together, ground, and orient to the theme.
- Optional paid coaching sessions on the second and fourth Saturdays for those who want deeper reflection, integration, or support.
- Resources you can engage with at your own pace — videos, reflections, and tools designed to support your nervous system and relational life without urgency.
Nothing here requires perfect attendance. Nothing here requires commitment beyond what feels right for you.
How to engage (or not)
You’re welcome to:
- read the emails when they resonate
- skip them when they don’t
- attend a free session occasionally
- join paid sessions when support would be helpful
- or simply stay connected quietly
You’re also welcome to step away if this season calls for less input.
This is an invitation, not an obligation.
Why I’m doing it this way
Relational growth doesn’t happen through pressure or performance. It happens through safety, consistency, and choice.
My intention for the coming year is to offer a steady, grounded presence — one that supports understanding, connection, and integration over time.
January will begin with the theme Relational Resolutions — not about becoming someone new, but about orienting to how our relationships actually work.
This space is designed to support relational wellness over time—not through urgency or insight alone, but through steady, choice-based engagement.
You’ll hear more about that soon.
An honest closing
If staying on this list feels supportive, I’m really glad you’re here. If it doesn’t, you don’t owe me anything — including an explanation.
Either way, I’m grateful for the time, attention, and trust you’ve shared by being part of this space.
Warmly,
LaShawn
P.S. You don’t need to decide anything right now. January will arrive gently.
by LaShawn | Jun 8, 2021 | Relational Spaces - Community, Uncategorized
Have you ever had to hold a smile and a conversation during active racism?
When it’s the only location where you can buy the thing you need to buy because you aren’t knowledgeable enough to go to Amazon and get it on your own, you have to hold a smile and a conversation about the “nicest colored lady” that was helped across the street into Walmart by the person who owns the supplies you’re purchasing.
“No… no it wasn’t. How much is my total? Cool, thank you. I’ll be back tomorrow with the sample.”
Now, of course, there was actual human interaction. I know that the human I was talking to had a life history and a story and real concerns and saw me, in that moment, as a real person too. We shared stories. We high fived. We laughed. They educated me based on their expertise. They are, like I am, a multi-dimensional person.
However, I also knew that this was not the time to correct their language. It wasn’t the time to tell them a history lesson. It wasn’t a time to say “did you know what you said is racist?” I just wanted to buy the stuff that I needed to buy and go home and do what I needed to do.
But I had to hold a smile and a conversation during the racism. And I have to go back tomorrow because it’s the only place I can go to buy what I need to buy and do what I need to do.
This is just one example, of many, of racial battle fatigue. It’s the routine, really boring, daily living experiences that we all just want to have as uneventfully as possible that are interrupted by racist actions that Black folks have to ignore and “grow a thick skin” because how dare we mention it and “play the race card” in a conversation with a stranger?
In these moments, we seem to fail at remembering that when racism entered the discussion, the card was already played.
by LaShawn | Jan 19, 2020 | Relational Spaces - Family, Relational Spaces - Friends, The Bookworm Therapist
This post contains affiliate links and is going to reference the experience of sexual assault.
It includes a reference to an article discussing surviving and attempting to hold a person accountable for sexual assault.
“I just kind of froze like a deer in headlights, just frozen. I knew it was happening. I could feel it,” she added. “I remember trying to fix my eyes on a spot on the wall and just trying to avoid seeing his face as he was assaulting me, just waiting for it to be over.”
In my experiences, both personally & professionally, this quote embodies the most common psychoemotional experience of assault.
So many people permit or perform sexual activity in order to survive sexual assault.
So many people permit or perform sexual activity in order to survive sexual assault. This is why we cannot blame victims for surviving assault because of the fact that sex happened. Once we understand that sex is sometimes the only way to survive assault, we can stop blaming people for doing what was necessary to survive the moments.
Why didn’t s/he/they fight back? Fighting back is a response you grow into over time. It is rarely the first response in each situation where assault happens.
It’s called “fight, flight or freeze” for a reason. Many freeze. Many flee psychologically (ie disassociate). Few of us fight the first time. If only the first time was the only time. Usually it is not and so we start learning to fight.
Once people start fighting, we then see victim blaming by focusing on the fighting back/self defense and not the assault necessitating self defense.
Believe victims.
Understand that sex can be a survival tactic.
Fighting isn’t always the first available response.
Support survivors.
Hold abusers accountable.
If you want to start to understand the reasons why it is best to address abuse with abusers – read Lundy Bancroft’s book. It’s a game changer!
by LaShawn | Dec 6, 2019 | Identity Growth and Change, Relational Spaces, Relational Spaces - Family, The Bookworm Therapist, The Divorced Therapist
Nobody’s Ready for Marriage
One of my favorite relationship books is “Passionate Marriage” by Dr David Schnarch because of this quote: “Nobody’s ready for marriage. Marriage is what makes you ready for marriage.” It’s in the introduction of the book.
I started reading it a little before I got divorced because I didn’t want to get divorced.
I started reading it a little before I got divorced because I didn’t want to get divorced.
As a therapist, we tend to think we have the skills to avoid marital calamities like divorce.
In my relationship, we had survived unemployment, underemployment & grad school, we could survive infidelity, right?
We could have, if we’d gotten help, if we really wanted to change ourselves and change our relationship to meet both of our needs.
That discussion is a post for another day.
Passionate Marriage was a beginning of more awareness building for me. It was a text that did a lot to me and for me. (Books are why I affectionately call myself the Bookworm Therapist. I believe that I can’t be the only person to go through what I’m going through and someone somewhere else has probably gone through it and ideally writte a book, article, song or poem about it. At least I hope for it with crossed fingers and toes, because the alternative is unsettling to say the least!)
Primarily, it was one of the important first steps I really needed in the continued development of my self and identity as a person. It made me become the wife in my relationship instead of the therapist I’d been operating as for the past 12 years in being connected to the kid’s dad (TKD).
It’s a book primarily about differentiation of self and within relationships. It’s become one of the books I reference in couples work & recommend when working in the family relational space generally.
I’ll share some of my favorite phrases, pages & takeaways in future posts.
by LaShawn | Dec 2, 2019 | Relational Spaces, Relational Spaces - Family
Couples Session Bundle
Are upcoming holidays putting stress on your relationship? Are there undercurrents in your relationship that are creating disconnection? Why not commit yourself to some time to engage your experience in a safe, neutral environment?
Here’s what the couple’s bundle includes:
1. One (1) 90-minute Clinical Assessment
A 90-minute clinical assessment will give two partners a chance to hear and be heard.
– 15 minutes will be spent with the couple together
– 30 minutes is for each partner to be seen individually
– 15 minutes will be used to recommend treatment options to the couple.
2. Two (2) 75-minute couples sessions
*This offer is currently for Utah residents only
by LaShawn | Nov 24, 2019 | Identity Growth and Change, Relational Spaces
Every story is rooted in change. Mine is no exception. As I’ve taken time to consider my career as a social worker for the last 20 years, I knew I wanted my practice to reflect my diverse experiences and professional skillset.
Identity, Growth & Change have been the keywords I used to anchor my work around facilitating connection for individuals, families, groups & communities.
It only seemed right to expand the way I talk about my work as efforts in relational change where connection matters most.
“Change is inevitable.
Growth is optional.”
John Maxwell
Welcome to Relational Spaces w/Dr. LaShawn! I’m excited to expand and articulate the next phases of this journey!
My website is being redesigned and launching just in time for 2020.
Stay tuned!!
